When I first began the journey of sobriety, I was raw, man. I seriously needed some guidance in order to navigate the waves of emotions that were welling up moment to moment. There were times in the very beginning when I was so intimidated by the thought of leaving my apartment alone, without the companionship of my beloved spirits, that I would retreat in fear, bewildered and baffled by the uncertainty of my situation. I simply could not bear or even conceive of the thought of existing in the world outside of the veil of intoxication. After all, it had been years since I had attempted to navigate life through sober eyes, having curled up comfortably inside the womb of drink and drug. It was safe there…free from worry, fear and all of the normal emotions and challenges that we face as we live life on life’s terms. But now I was sober, finally free from the dizzying whirl of the cycle of self-imposed madness. I was as raw as a gaping wound, sensitive and vulnerable to the slightest of touch or feeling.
When I finally found that guidance I so desperately needed, it came in the form of a sponsor in the program of AA. He was like me…About my age, an actor by trade and someone who had a story that I could relate to. I identified with him and therefore trusted him with my sobriety.
When we began working together, he would explain the program of action that would eventually change my life forever. The only thing it required was a desire to stop drinking and using. And it began with the most important question anyone had ever asked and perhaps will ever ask in my entire life:
“Are you willing to do whatever it takes?”
Those words gave me comfort and knocked the wind out of me at the same time. I was desperate to find a solution that could cure me of the anxiety and discomfort I was feeling, yet I was subtly aware that “whatever it takes” could mean its own type of discomfort altogether. All I knew at that point was that I could never turn back. Whatever lied ahead, regardless of how uncertain, and no matter what I had to do to draw clean, sober breaths for the rest of my life, I had to do it. It was my only shot, my final chance to achieve anything close to the peace I so desperately craved.
Whatever it takes? Wrought with fear and trepidation, I decided that I was completely willing.
The story from then until now is colorful and filled with victories, defeats, successes and many failures. Yet through it all, those simple words continue to serve as constant reminder of where I came from while providing the necessary courage to live the life I was meant to live.
Applying this to my life: Am I willing to do whatever it takes to improve my relationships? My business? My health?/em>
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